This is an observation that could be taken as some kind of hippie rant, but it’s an end that I came to that getting out would be beneficial for myself and possibly for others, so anyway.

You are the sun. It’s the best way that I can describe it. I’ve learned a lot about myself and others in general recently; I’ve learned about the forces within someone that can alter the course of a human being for better or for worse. People want to liken results to fate or destiny as an uncontrollable path when in reality, 80-90% of it is your own ability.

I’ve started studying a bit of social psychology, and the politics of a group versus just an individual. Even though things might seem fairly straightforward most of the time, there’s things we take for granted in the social organism and also things that we don’t take advantage of enough.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve learned a lot about my own personal insecurity after finding out what it was like to not have it anymore. I’m learning how to recognize when and where it will happen and how to get it out of the way. I found that I was too judgemental when it came to random people and things. I’ve taken to grabbing at that short thought and figuring out why I’m thinking that. Sometimes it works, sometimes it only gets me deeper into something I don’t want to be in, but that filter gets cleaned out a little more every time.

I came to a realization that even though I thought I had achieved the opposite, I was still too enveloped in the situational happiness that came from material needs and needs for things that I know will never come.

Every emotion we feel, even though it may be triggered by an external source, is only ever a chemical reaction in the brain, we feel it in the positivity of personal achievement, and we feel it in the scores and visuals of movies that are written specifically in the perfect way to get serotonin and endorphins flowing through your body. The main thing to remember here is, all of those emotions, whether they be happiness, sadness, love, guilt, greed. It’s all an internal thing.

Emotion is contagious, if one person feels something, it’s going to rub off on someone else, like a nasty co-worker who brings everyone down, or a super nice one that makes everyone feel better, these people are nuclear reactors, giving us an energy that we wouldn’t have had otherwise. However, these people are also perpetually charged because of it, the energy that they expel will be paid back when they get through to someone. I had someone tell me that if you’re feeling down, lie to yourself and eventually it’ll work out. If you create that spark, it’s going to be paid back to you, filling that empty space.

You are the sun, so start acting like it.

It was a quote that I had heard that stuck with me over the years. We’re a generation of people with our tuning forks aimed straight into ourselves. We perceive the world not as what it is, but a pre-fabrication built upon filters of doubt, fear, jealously and our own personal status. Our focuses have gone into a computer or tv screen that has the potential to cover the entire planet, but has been tailored to only look at a narrow spectrum of events and mainly celebrity; the supernatural.

That’s the obsession isn’t it? Self importance, artificial buoyancy above the normal class; something to feel a little more important. I was like you, but I was able to notice these signs and deal with them, you become sick of the cognitive dissonance, but you’ll get better.

With work and daily grinds, I still found my face too close to the burner to look anywhere else. Drugs can help unwind the heating element and re-fragment things, but it wasn’t enough. I started exercising as well; I find more clarity in thought when I do.

I know what I need to fix now, I know who I want around me when I do it and I know where I want to go from there. I just need to find a way to get the motivation to last just long enough. I’m tired of knowing the person I want to be and then not caring tomorrow if it all falls apart.

It’s all messed up, but it’s alright.